"Attach it!"

I had this amusing phone call to perk me up today. It was my first phone call, actually, and it occurred just in time to awaken my senses that had dulled a bit from four relaxed days of just doing nothing during my Holy Week break.

Caller: Ma'am, I just would like to ask if you give contracted rates to travel agencies?

Me: Yes, we do, Sir. Where is your office located?

Caller: In Cubao, Quezon City.

Me: I see. Please send a formal letter of request together with your business permit. For speedier processing, please send a Department of Tourism (DOT) or International Air Transport Association (IATA) accreditation.

Caller: Who will I attach it to, Ma'am?

Me: You mean "address it to?" Please address it to Ms. _____.

Caller: No, I mean attach.

Me: (saying nothing for fear that the call will drag on if I contradict him). Please fax it over to _____. Thank you.

After the call, I grinned. I did try to suppress a giggle and when my boss saw my heaving shoulders, she asked me why I was laughing. I told her and both of us burst out giggling.

Really, you're gonna attach the required documents to my colleague? LOL.

Err... Just another amusing phone call :P

I had another funny phone call today.

Caller: (in the vernacular) Good morning. May I please speak with _____ (name of my colleague).

Me: I am sorry, Ma'am but _____ is currently engaged in another phone conversation. How may I help you?

Caller: Oh.

Me: Would you like to leave a message? Or would you rather have a return call?

Caller: (after 3 seconds of silence). Can I not speak with her now?

Me: Ma'am, as I said, she is currently attending to another guest. Of course, you can not speak with her yet. Are you willing to wait? Because if you are, the moment she's done with her ongoing call, I'll transfer your call to her.

Caller. Okay.

LOL. Pray tell me. How can one speak to a person who is otherwise engaged in another phone conversation?

Oh, yeah, via a conference. That is, if all callers are concerned about something. In my caller's case though, she obviously isn't concerned in my colleague's ongoing conversation with a different guest so a conference won't work.

And the weather would be like...?

Don't you just hate it when you are asked a question that requires just enough common sense in the asker for her to realize the answer herself?

Caller: 'Ne, you are in _____, right?

Me: Yes, Ma'am. The hotel is located in _____.

Caller: Okay. WOULD YOU KNOW HOW THE WEATHER THERE IS LIKE?

Me: It is usually sunny in _____. Sometimes, here in Manila, it rains but when we call our _____ office, it is not raining there at all.

Caller: IN DECEMBER, WILL IT STILL BE SUNNY?

Me: Ma'am, I am giving you a general picture of _____'s weather. It is usually sunny the whole year round.

Caller: Eh IN DECEMBER, WHAT IF IT RAINS?

Me: Ma'am, As I was saying earlier, it is usually sunny there. WE COULD NOT VERY WELL PREDICT THE WEATHER, see. Let's just hope for the best.

Caller: I am worried about my guests. ARE YOU SURE YOU HAVE NO WAY OF KNOWING THE WEATHER IN DECEMBER?

Me: I know where you are coming from but I am sorry, Ma'am, but there is none. The best help that I can give you is by giving you a general picture of _____'s weather. It is usually sunny, regardless of the month.

Caller. Oh okay. Salamat 'ne. I'll call back.

Geez. The weather is unpredictable, for heaven's sake. Even PAGASA (Philippine Amospheric, Geophysical and Astronomical Services) has no way of accurately predicting the weather in upcoming months.

And what's with calling me 'ne? I am NOT a little girl, for heaven's sake! Nene ka 'dyan. Hmph! At least this "little girl" has enough sense to not wonder about the weather in December.

Can I what?!

Here's a funny phone call I got earlier.

Caller: Hi. I finally got hold of your room rates via e-mail.

Me: And how may I help you, ma'am?

Caller: I was just wondering. How much is your Junior Two Bedroom Suite?

Me: (thinking) I thought she already has the room rates with her?!

Ma'am, it's USD380nett per room per night, inclusive of taxes and service charge.

Caller: I see. Can you compute me, then? I will stay for two (2) nights.

Me: (after doing the computations). Ma'am, it's USD760nett for a two-night stay.

After the guest was done with her reservations and I had recapped her reservation details AND the computation (for the nth time), we bid each other goodbye.

"Phew!" A very relieved me sighed in relief.

"Can you compute me?" Okay, what are your vital statistics so I may total them up? LOL.

I'm not good at numbers. I've never been. They're actually my waterloo and the mere sight of them makes my head spin, especially if they involve algebraic expressions. But to actually encounter someone who cannot seem to "compute (it) herself" boggles my mind. It's mere addition, right?

Oh well.

lusciouslyhot & verysexykittenbabe

I've been dealing with this client for a couple of days already. The reason for this is because our confirmation letter doesn't get to him. Weird. Because every time I send it out, no error messages appear on my end. Always, when I send an email and it bums out, I get something and it's usually "Undeliverable Mail."

So today I decided to call him again to verify if he has received it already. He hasn't so I resolved to just ask him for another email address.

Me: Sir, do you have an an alternate email address? I can't seem to get to you through aishiteruxxxx@__________.com.

Guest: Oh, sure. Send it to... Wait. Lemme spell it out. L-U-S-C....

Me: (thinking) OMG. He's gonna spell out luscious.

Guest: I-O-U-S-L-Y-H-O- and then what sounds like the letter D

Me: (not hearing the last letter very well) I beg your pardon? The last letter is the letter D as in Delta?

Guest: Oh no, T as in Tango.

Me: Oh, okay sir. Let me just recap the information. I will resend the email to lusciouslyhot@__________.com

Guest: Yes.

Me: Noted. Please expect the email before the day ends. Thank you.

When I hang up, I gave an ear-splitting grin. Lusciously hot?!

The guy's gay. Thus the spunky email address. Before I can be misinterpreted for something else, lemme just clarify that I do not have anything against gay people. I even adore them to pieces as most of my gay friends are funny and really very nice. I just can't take the suggestive email address.

The first email address is actually "I love you" in Japanese. It was enough to have me and my colleagues smile in amusement but lusciouslyhot? OMG.

Just imagine how funnier things will be if it is a straight guy who has lusciouslyhot for his email address. LOL.

Which reminds me of an applicant we had. As I was browsing through her contact details, I did a double take. Why? Because her email address was something like verysexykittenbabe@__________.com

Really. Who will take you seriously if you have such a come-hither and utterly unprofessional email address? You are applying for a serious job, for Chrissake, not as a dancer in a club!

So what happened to verysexykittenbabe?

Of course she wasn't hired.

Another amusing phone call

I got another amusing phone call today. The caller was asking about our room rates and after detailing the rates to her, she bombarded me with questions.

Caller: What are the inclusions to the rate?

Me: The rate is for the room and it comes with complimentary scheduled airport transfers. The hotel also has many scheduled activities for the day such as Wall Climbing & Archery that you can join for free. No meals are included in the rate though, not even breakfast.

Caller: I see. What about the child rate?

Me: If the child will be sharing the room with parents and is aged 12 and below, s/he will be free of charge. Extra person charge though is at USD 24.64 per person per night.

Caller: What about the child transfer rate?

Me: Ma'am, all our checked-in guests are entitled to complimentary scheduled airport transfers, including the child.

Caller: Really? Including the child? That's good.

Me: Yes, ma'am.

After the phone call, I grinned. Really. Of course ALL guests are entitled to the transfers. Even the child. We couldn't very well leave the child in the airport, could we?

What?!

There's this amusing phone call that I got earlier.

Me: __________ (name of company), _____ (my name) speaking.
Caller: Good afternoon.
Me: Good afternoon.

Silence...

Me: Hello?
Caller: Oh, I'm sorry. Where are we calling?

OMG. I did finish the phone call with as much tact and politeness that I could muster but I couldn't help but be amused. How can people call a number then ask what company is it that they are calling?

The lady said she was confused because she had been calling hotels all day. Huh?! Point taken. But if she were only listening and I mean really listening, she would have heard me say my company's name. It's the greeting I gave her, as is standard in my company.

Oh well, maybe the lady was just stressed. Or overworked.

Good thing I'm not. Not today, anyway.